I'm going to rape someone's good day.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
