It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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