Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
