All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
