What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
