How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
