Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Randomize
