I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
