I just pynch a tree in the face
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
