I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
