1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
