You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
