I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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