so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
