dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
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