walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
