You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
