Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
