If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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