I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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