So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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