Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
