Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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