So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
