We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you traded sex for a burrito?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
