bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
