Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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