i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
