so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
