listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
