can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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