Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
