Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
