Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
