I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
