yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
