I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
