Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
