At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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