i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
