he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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