Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
