i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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