After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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