Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She needs sedatives and a leash
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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