Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
