I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
