Taylor Swift is so right about you.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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