i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
