I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
