I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
