new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
