If i come over, it means nothing
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
