You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
