Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
