How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Be still, my beating vagina.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Randomize
