i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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